For those that know me well, I have struggled with depression since at least 2016. There are many, many factors that cause a person to get depressed, but I think the fact that I listened to far less music contributed to it. For much of my life, I had music sitting right by my side and I never put much thought into how it affected my mood.
As I adjusted to life as a dad, music faded into the background. I needed to listen to music as loud as I wanted; whenever I wanted. It’s difficult to manage that need with getting kids to bed and not waking them up. So, over time… I spent less and less time really absorbing music. It was gradual and the effect was I didn’t really notice it. Meanwhile, my life was changing and I was not connecting with my emotions less and less without even noticing it.
Late last year, I finally started to figure out that my connection with music was a big factor in my mood. It started off as feeling good when I was listening to certain songs. Then I realized that it was the lyrics were getting into emotions that I didn’t deal with on my own.
From there on, with nothing more than endorphins leading the way I started making sure I found time for music when I was down.
I had a whole three months of feeling in control. It was amazing, but with the world falling apart, I’ve been slipping back into depression again. It’s absolutely terrified me. We are fine financially, I don’t think either of us will lose our jobs, but I’m so worried for so many people I know. I had been losing control of my emotions again and I was in freefall.
I was out for a run this afternoon and “Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie came on. Everything came rushing back to me. I’m not alone and I’m not in a place that no one has been before. I can lean on music to get me through this dark spot.
In the world of today, we all need to know that we’re not in this fight alone. So I’m going to start posting a song a day that gives me hope.
The first one is “Under Pressure” (obviously).
What I connect with on this song is how it’s about someone watching friends in dire straits.
I don’t have any great insight into the lyrics that I feel like sharing. This song makes me feel better and I hope this might connect with someone else because we’re not in this alone.
Some lyrics that I can’t stop thinking about today:
“It's the terror of knowing what the world is about…”
“Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work”
“Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking”
“And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves”